You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
