She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
