Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
