Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
