Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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