apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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