i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
