i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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