are you still at the devil's house?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
