Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
