Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she looked like the before picture.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
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