He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
