I hate all girls vehemently.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
