i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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