Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
