Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
its not stalking. its research.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
