Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
whose ass print is on the piano?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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