Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
