so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
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