i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
