Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
