a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
sarcasm needs its own font
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
