Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
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