Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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