so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
