They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
