Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
