i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
