last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
