i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
she told me i tasted like america
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
