I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Randomize
