ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
We need to rekindle our bromance
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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