I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
