somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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