Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
