A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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