bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
