Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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