I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
tell me about the eggs
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
