So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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