Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I love having hate sex.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
