Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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