You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
