so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
