Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
