Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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