did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
