I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Randomize
