end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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