I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
