Will you blow on my dice?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize
