I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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