3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
