Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
