Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
