i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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