If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...