The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.