i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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