Betty ford says i'm here all night
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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