Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
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Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
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You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.