I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
