Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
