when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize