I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
