So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
