Is it normal to miss your booty call?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
