i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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