i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
