Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
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