I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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