did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I need help removing her.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
