Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
