Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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